At Matthew 19:3, we read, “Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?’” In response, Jesus ultimately explained that the law of Moses permitted divorce because of the hardness of the human heart (Matt. 19:8). However, Jesus first explained that God’s design, intent, and plan for the marriage was oneness. Jesus said,
Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND HIS MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no person is to separate.
(Matt. 19:4-6).
Please note that there is no mention of three, four, or five becoming one. In God’s Divine Order, the husband’s authority is required for the purpose of protecting oneness in the marriage and family. The idea of “oneness” is closely associated with the idea of “shalom.” Shalom is defined as “completeness, soundness, wholeness, wellbeing, tranquility, and peace.”[1] The husband’s authority is not for the purpose of getting his way. In my opinion, marriage and family is a basic design feature of God’s creation and plan for humanity. If we depart from God’s design and Divine Order, we should anticipate disorder, chaos, and bad outcomes.
Sarah’s inability to get pregnant was a difficult and challenging test for both Sarah and Abraham. We need to remember that God tests us to teach us. When we undergo difficult tests, we must seek to apply God’s truth, not misguided human solutions, which will only bring negative outcomes and make things worse. One of the most important lessons of the story of Abraham and Sarah is that sometimes the husband must say, “no.” The husband’s obedience to God must take precedence over making either his wife or himself happy.
As stated by Professor John Walton, “In the ancient world, people tended to find their identity not inside themselves, but in family, clan, or city of which they were a part.”[2] Sarah was desperate to have a child or children. God promised to Abraham that he would have an heir from his body, but God did not specifically mention Sarah. Abraham and Sarah should have reasoned and concluded that Sarah would be the mother, but after waiting many decades, they became desperate and no longer trusted in God’s promise. Instead, they crafted a human solution.
Professor John Walton wrote, “The solution proposed by Sarai is not as shocking or outlandish as it would seem to us today. In the ancient world, barrenness was a catastrophe … because one of the primary roles of the family was to produce the next generation. The survival of the family line was of the highest value, it depended on producing progeny. Whatever threat a second wife might pose to harmony in the family paled in comparison to the necessity of an heir being produced.”[3] Also, it is important to note that there was no social security system in the ancient world. Like today, the wife would most likely outlive her husband. Her offspring were needed to provide financial and emotional support for her when she got old. We can infer from Scripture that Sarah knew and loved her husband very much. We can further infer that she trusted that Abraham would continue to make her a high priority, and the story proves her right.
At Genesis 16:2, we read,
So Sarai said to Abram, “See now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Please have relations with my slave woman; perhaps I will obtain children through her.” And Abraham listened to the voice of Sarah.
The last sentence above describing Abraham’s response to his wife is very important. The Bible often communicates truth very subtly. We must learn to be very sensitive to the voice of the Spirit. The sentence, “And Abraham listened to the voice of Sarah” is very similar to God’s criticism of Adam at Genesis 3:17, when God said to Adam, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree…”
Obviously, on many occasions, it is wise for a husband to listen to his wife. For example, at Genesis 21:12, God told Abraham to listen to his wife when Abraham was considering a potential separation from Hagar and Ishmael. Abraham must first and foremost seek God’s will above his desire to please his wife or self. Like Adam, Abraham cannot blame his wife for his failures. He should have said “no” to Sarah’s request that Abraham take Hagar as a second wife. Abraham’s decision brought about much chaos, disorder, and heartache to the family.
At Genesis 16:3-4, we read that Sarai took her handmaid, Hagar, and gave her to Abraham, as his second wife. Then Abraham had relations with Hagar, and she conceived a child. After she conceived a child, Hagar began to disregard and disrespect Sarah. As one might anticipate, if there are two wives, there will be an increased likelihood of competition and jealousy between the two women. It is natural for both women to want to have influence and even control over their shared husband. At Genesis 16:5, we read,
So Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be upon you! I put my slave woman in your arms, but when she saw that she had conceived, I became insignificant in her sight. May the Lord judge between you and me.”
As we have noted, the husband has a unique responsibility and authority from God to guard harmony and oneness in marriage. Sarah is saying to Abraham that she let him have sex with her handmaid, and now, she is disrespecting her, and that he, Abraham, has a duty before God to restore harmony in their marriage and family. In my opinion, Sarah is correct. Yes, Sarah put the problem in motion, but it is Abraham’s God-given responsibility to restore order and harmony, to the best of his ability. Of course, once the door to polygamy has been opened, it is impossible to completely and fully restore the family.
At Genesis 16:6, we read, “Abram said to Sarai, ‘Look, your slave woman is in your power; do to her what is good in your sight.’ So, Sarai treated her harshly, and she fled from her presence.” Obviously, Abraham had a clear preference and love for Sarah over Hagar, but this is also a part of the problem. The unloved wife is going to be mistreated. It seems clear that Sarah was overly zealous in her actions to assert her authority over the second wife. At Genesis 16:11, the Angel of the Lord said to Hagar, “The Lord has heard your affliction.” The Hebrew noun oni is defined as “misery, affliction, or trouble.”[4] This is the same word used to describe how Leah was mistreated by her husband, Jacob (Gen. 29:32), and Jacob’s mistreatment by his father-in-law, Laban (Gen. 31:42). Thereafter, the Angel of the Lord rescued Hagar from death in the desert, but he told Hagar, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.”
Ultimately, there was additional and continued conflict and disharmony between the two women and their children. Ishmael was jealous, envious, and hostile toward Isaac. The conflict became so bad that God agreed with Sarah that Abraham should decree a permanent separation. Obviously, the solution of separation caused much suffering and heartache. Abraham loved Ishmael very much.
Multiple wives and mothers in one family created an environment of disharmony, insecurity, jealousy, and hostility, which led to a painful and hurtful separation. This is an excellent example of the law of unintended consequences. When we depart from the Divine Order, we should anticipate chaos, disorder, and suffering. We find oneness and shalom only by living under God’s authority and Divine Order.
For more insight regarding this subject matter, please see this YouTube Bible Class:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koxQrMTBzCc&t=1s
[1] “H7965 – šālôm – Strong’s Hebrew Lexicon (kjv).” Blue Letter Bible. Web. 17 Feb, 2025. <https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h7965/kjv/wlc/0-1/>.
[2] “Genesis.” Zondervan Illustrated Bible Backgrounds Commentary: Volume 1, Gen. Editor, David E Garland, et al., Zondervan Academic, 2002, p. 91.
[3] “Genesis.” Zondervan Illustrated Bible Backgrounds Commentary: Volume 1, Gen. Editor, David E Garland, et al., Zondervan Academic, 2002, p. 86-87.
[4] “H6040 – ʿŏnî – Strong’s Hebrew Lexicon (nasb20).” Blue Letter Bible. Web. 5 Mar, 2025. <https://www.blueletterbible.org/lexicon/h6040/nasb20/wlc/0-1/>.
